


i love you, goodbye

by Lindsey7618



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments (Movies), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Breakup, Depressed Alec Lightwood, Emotionally Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Overthinking, Post CoLS, Post-Break Up, Sad, Sad Alec Lightwood, Sad Ending, Sad Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, i CANNOT tag i am sorry, lindsey uses too many ~words~, no talking, set after COLS, too much imagery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:42:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26576224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lindsey7618/pseuds/Lindsey7618
Summary: He’d had many lovers before Alec, many losses before Alec, many betrayals before Alec. So why did this one kill him so much, grab hold of his heart and twist and tear until it was in shreds?In his heart he knew the answer. Alec was his person. He had no doubt.Alec laid his head against the wall and closed his eyes, desperate to get the image of Magnus’s disappointed face out of his mind, but it only burned brighter, and his heart hurt more.I love you, but this is goodbye.
Relationships: Magnus Bane & Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Kudos: 23





	i love you, goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> hi!! this is the first thing i've posted in uhh a year (next month). oops. i got some inspiration and less writers block for once so here we are. all feedback is welcome but please be polite.

The wind was so loud he could almost feel it through the glass. His vision blurred, by the rain or his tears he wasn’t sure, and he dragged his hand down the window glass as he sank to his knees. Wrapping his arms around his legs, he rocked back and forth slowly, gasping for air. 

Alec had fucked up. He lost everything that meant something and now he was alone. Who was he supposed to turn to when he pushed away the one person he wanted to open up to? How could he go on when he lost the love of his life? His parents thought he was being dramatic. Izzy and Jace were worried, hell, even Clary was worried, but they didn’t understand. Clary tried her little pep talk about a friend losing interest in her but this wasn’t like losing a friend. This was like losing everything you had to live for, or at least that’s how it felt.

He laid his head against the wall and closed his eyes, desperate to get the image of Magnus’s disappointed face out of his mind, but it only burned brighter, and his heart hurt more.

* * *

Magnus took a slow drag, stretching his arms out on the armrest. The rain beat down softly, quietly, in the distance, a stark contrast to the raging storm in his head. He exhaled slowly. Why did it hurt so much? He’d had many lovers before Alec, many losses before Alec, many betrayals before Alec. So why did this one kill him so much, grab hold of his heart and twist and tear until it was in shreds?

In his heart he knew the answer. Alec was his person. He had no doubt. What hurt more than his betrayal was his own. Magnus had led him straight to the water. If he hadn’t pushed Alec away in a desperate attempt to forget his past and regain some control....

If only he knew how to stop sabotaging his own life. He sighed deeply and stood, wandering over to the window. He wondered if Alec was thinking of him- well, he knew he was. But did Alec know he was thinking of him? He hoped so, but if not, maybe it was for the best. Maybe he should let Alec go. Let him find someone who can give themselves fully to him. Let him find the happiness he felt when he was with Alec, but the happiness Magnus couldn’t give to him.

He stared into the rain.

_ There is no one I love more than you, Alec. _

* * *

Forehead pressed against the cold glass, Alec stared into the distance, or what he could make out of it at least. Was Magnus okay right now? What was he thinking about? Did he feel the crippling pain and sorrow Alec was feeling?

He didn’t think he could ever forgive himself. 

Magnus wasn’t sure how to cope, at least in a healthy way. So he turned to the drink in his hand and tried to shut off his mind.

Alec and Magnus leaned into the window. The Empire State Building was visible in the far distance. The sky was dark and the rain had slowed. Neither of them knew the other was so close- yet so far. Magnus downed the rest of his wine and Alec dropped his head, unable to look anymore.

_ I love you, but this is goodbye. _

**Author's Note:**

> i'm not 100% satisfied with the ending, i  
> m aware it sucks. i suck at endings. i apologize.
> 
> as always, i love you guys and i'm here if you need someone <3
> 
> also, i know alec lives in brooklyn and the ESB is in manhattan. deal with it.


End file.
